cracked open

Do you ever imagine your life as chapters in a novel? I do. I have certain titles for different periods of time in my life. This morning I thought about it and decided this period of time should be called 'cracked open'. I found myself quiet and reflective this morning wondering why lately I feel like I have been in places where I am so vulnerable I can barely stand it - so raw and exposed. Others around me aren't called to be in this position so why me? Last night was the presentation for the live/work loft and there I was raw and exposed. I was embarrassed by my vulnerability, embarrassed that I got choked up explaining how much what I do means to me. My good friend called it beautiful and courageous and yet I walked away feeling very emotionally naked. And after all of that, I didn't get the space.

So, again - hmmm... What is the point of having this willingness to reveal what is closest to one's heart when you still risk rejection?
I don't feel angry about the decision. I prayed that they'd make a quick decision (as opposed to me waiting for weeks to find out) and I found out that I didn't get it two hours after my presentation. One thing I was proud of myself for saying was, "Whether you give me this space or not, I will continue to make art. It is what I was meant to do and that will continue to happen. However if you give me the space it will greatly change my life..."

Life goes on. I'm off to search for my next opportunity.