Today is All Souls Day.
{A day of remembrance for friends and loved ones who have passed away.} I don’t usually observe or realize/recognize this day but a blogger mentioned it and I found myself giving it some thought. In her post she talked about the people around her who’d died and the memories they left her with.
I’ve had so much on my mind lately – insomnia is back because my mind won’t stop processing all of the thoughts that fill my brain. As usual, I have been thinking about my place in this world – my purpose and how others fit into my life. I have lots of questions and not many answers. Eventually I get to a place where I say the scripture that I have had hanging on my closet door for the past two years –
‘As for me, I am in your hands; do with me whatever you think is good and right.’ – Jeremiah 26:14Souls. I have been thinking about my dad. He died in a tragic car accident when I was 3 years old. I’ve never gotten over it. I don’t expect that I will. It brings up feelings of emptiness – this gaping hole inside me is exposed at the mention of his death. It’s hard to think that I missed out on having him in my life. I know some things about him – stories my mom has told me and there was a period of time in my twenties when I read a stack of letters he’d written my mom. Yes, he was a letter writer just like me. Through those letters I found out the most about him. I saw his personality. I heard his voice and the way he expressed himself. I saw the maverick in him. I saw the risk taking and also the foolishness of his youth. I saw the man he wanted to be and the love that he had for my mom. I realized that he was as full of goodness as he was flawed – imperfectly perfect.
Souls. When I was a little girl, I found myself fascinated with two women whom I considered my heroes (although I’ve never used that word…). They were spirits of sorts that I felt a connection to. Harriet Tubman and Helen Keller were women who I found myself obsessed with – looking at any book that I could find that would tell me more about them. Yesterday I realized what they had in common. They both spent most of their lives traveling in darkness and calling out to God to guide their path. They both had courage beyond what any ordinary person would display and they did things that most considered impossible. This is a very simplistic summation of their lives but nevertheless it makes sense to me at this moment as I wrestle with my thoughts – questioning if what I am doing what I should. I get confused when I compare my life to others until I remember that I’m not living an ordinary life and so trying to make comparison is like attempting to fit a square peg into a round hole. I wonder if people told Harriet Tubman that she should rethink her plans and do something more ‘rational’. She lead 300 slaves to freedom taking trips on foot more than a dozen times. She risked being caught again and again – becoming such a threat that there was a reward for her capture worth $40,000! (back in 1856!) I wonder if people thought she was insane.
Souls. If you notice, Jesus was anything but ordinary. And if I am to follow Him then I should expect to be misunderstood at times, to take the road less traveled, to ruffle some feathers, to create change...
Lord guide me today.