s-l-o-w down

A week ago today I went to the ER and discovered I have biliary colic (the very beginning of gallstone formation and problems with my gallbladder). It has been a rough week. Besides the gallbladder issues I also had a flare up with my hernia. I’ve known about this hernia for a year now. It was a small tear yet last week I did more damage to it by lifting boxes that were too heavy. I was told in emergency that I needed to rest – to watch what I eat so that my gallbladder attack would subside and not to lift anything heavy.
What a struggle this past week has been! My health has called me to slow down – my life has not. Therefore it’s been a week of tug of war. Sometimes I have bumped my head (metaphorically speaking) because of my unwillingness to surrender.

Do you remember that game Operation? The game requires that you use these special tweezers to grab parts out of the body yet if the tweezers touch the metal edge of the opening during the attempt, a buzzer sounds. As I child I remember paying this game and I remember how quiet we were as we concentrated on the game. If by some chance the buzzer went off I was always startled. It had a zapping sound that was unnerving. Well – this came to mind this week as I attempted to eat. My body told me right away if something was or was not ok to eat. If the food didn’t agree a searing pain would shoot through my side (like a buzzer) as soon as I chewed and swallowed. It did not take long to get the message about what to stay away from. Bland foods - good. Spicy bad. White bread, starches, sugars –bad. If anything, I have learned that I need to be aware- conscious of what I do. I need to be in the moment. As soon as I’ve gone into ‘auto-pilot’ or tried to multi-task, the buzzer goes off as I hurt my stomach either on the inside (gallbladder) or the outside (hernia).

I’ve spent the week in the house and even though I am home, I have continued to sculpt. Although I know I need to stop I found myself thinking, “Yeah- but I can’t right now…” Then yesterday I got what I will see as a another message to stop (beyond getting sick –since that didn’t seem to be message enough). I was in the middle of working when my metal pliers snapped. My only pair of pliers broke. My main tool is broken and they broke in such a way that I laughed knowing it’s God’s way of telling me to slow down.

Life lessons…

life...

It's really quite beautiful if we slow down and look around.







There is beauty in the world...
selections from my tumblr page

wake up call

I went to the ER on Wednesday evening doubled over in pain. I had massive pain on my right side and thought it might be my appendix. Turns out it's gallbladder issues. I was told I have biliary colic - which is the beginning stages of gallbladder disease and the formation of gallstones. Therefore life has been disrupted this week as I try to slow down a bit and need to be incredibly conscious of what I eat (right now almost every thing aggravates my stomach).

pretend I’m sitting across from you and we are drinking coffee

I’m still putting the last coat of paint on my dress that I created for the art auction. I love the staff over at UCSF Health! Can I just gush about these people a little more? They are so cool and their attitudes make me want to give to the art for AIDs auction. They are just really hardworking and accommodating. When I contacted them to say that my piece was still in the stages of being painted they reassured me that I had time and then offered to pick it up. This gesture makes a world of difference to me! Now I don’t have to struggle to get it to them. I really like when people treat you with a sense of appreciation.

Every time I have an open studio event my work tends to take on some sort of theme. This time my focus is on wind. I am fixated on this idea of wind blown clothes. I want to create a sense of wonder for the people who come into the studio. I hope I can make that happen. Right now I don’t even know if my new pieces convey wind blowing. We shall see…

My studio does not look much different than it did when I moved in. Pieces are propped against the wall and the place looks sterile. I think the most put together it’ll look will be when I prep the place for open studios next month. I still have a lot of work to do both in making art and in decorating.

random chit-chat

I sat in silence today while on the computer looking at photos and listening to the rain.

Don’t read your alumni newsletter (especially if you went to a particularly academic school full of overachievers) when you are feeling low, otherwise you will feel like a total loser! If you don’t believe me just read some of what I found in the newsletter that came in today’s mail. These are alumni updates :
- Married with two children – one boy, one girl. Working as a professor of Neurosurgery
- Working at NASA on air traffic control modernation projects and looking for an elementary school for my adorable daughter. My son still has a few years before he's begins school.
- My wife and I just recently relocated to Singapore. We are looking forward to the adventure!
- I’m married with two kids. Working as the Director of Engineering at a Solar Manufacturing plant. Wish you all well!
- My husband got a promotion and we are relocating to Hong Kong. Any other alumni in Hong Kong? Email me!
- I’m in a private practice in San Francisco and busy with two growing boys!
- Hello fellow alumni! I am still working at the Space Science Lab at UC Berkeley as an aerospace engineer and living in the East Bay. Life is good.
- I’ve been busy with my medical physics consulting practice. I cannot believe so many years have passed since high school!
- I’m a feature animation editor at Dreamworks. Our son is almost 2 and adored by his 3 female siblings. Sending our best to everyone!
- Just moved to Washington DC to get my Masters in Government and MBA at John Hopkins University.
{Sigh!} Anyway...

I got really excited yesterday after being out of regular coffee for a few days and trying to make due with decaf when my mom came in with four bags of fully caffeinated coffee. She volunteers at the food bank and it was being given out. It’s a crazy Starbucks cinnamon flavored coffee but I am so glad to have the caffeine that I don’t care that it’s flavored. It will work until I get more Sumatra!

I’m in that restless period of time where I am waiting for payment for art sold while sitting looking at a pile of bills and counting every dollar in my wallet. I have $12 to be exact.

I was contemplating taking my last few bucks and buying blue paint to finish my commissioned piece. Then yesterday in the garage I bumped into a pile of junk and what fell off a chair? A can of blue spray paint. Thank you God.

The dryer broke a few days ago… Well today I washed a handful of items thinking I’d hang them up to dry in the bathroom. On a fluke I decided to turn on the dryer to see what would happen. It worked! I’ve gone back to washing clothes but drying them in small batches while holding my breath and praying the dryer keeps working.

My faith in God began as a child. I remember hearing my mom talking out loud to God like He was in the room. She’d be cooking something on the stove and she’s say something like, “Oh Lord, we need your help. We need some groceries in this house.” She’d say it in a matter of fact way like God was sitting at the kitchen table watching her cook or something. A few days later something would happen and we were provided for. God was always faithful. So all of these little things I mentioned – the coffee, the paint, the dryer --- they make me think back to those days of my mom talking to God in the kitchen.

checking in...

I bought roses last week– beautiful pale pink roses at the supermarket. They were discounted. There’s something about discounted flowers that gets me. I think it’s cool that you can buy flowers for only two or three dollars and yet feel happiness from them that is priceless.

I get these moments where I feel like I have lost my way. I don’t mean that in a spiritual sense by any means, but rather I feel like I should have some master plan and I don’t. I forget what I’m working towards. For instance, when I locked the door on my studio the other day as I got ready to leave I said, “Whatever that was about…”. I said those words out loud because in that moment I felt like I didn’t know why I was there. In that moment I could not see the big picture. I guess that’s why you can’t trust your feelings as your sole source of understanding.

I hope all is well in your neck of the woods...

five senses

SEE
- a woman get her iPad snatched on the train
- a man selling bootleg movies in front of Walgreens
- a guy in workout clothes bandaging his hands like he's preparing to get in a boxing ring

HEAR
- three teenagers laughing really loud on the bus
- two women talking about a dark skinned woman with a gold tooth named Sharon. Apparently Sharon accused one of the ladies of stealing a case of soda from her church so to retaliate Sharon took an ice pick out of her purse and punctured the tires on a woman's car.

TASTE
- sumatra coffee from Peets
- turkey sandwiches on barley sunflower wheat bread
- kettle chips

SMELL
- a man on the bus in front of me who smells strongly of onions
- an overpowering smell of garlic each time I walk into my studio building (the bottom floor is full of kitchens used for food trucks to prepare their food

TOUCH/FEEL
- lonely and restless
- easily annoyed
- frustrated that I caused heat damage to my hair by flat ironing it and had to cut off 1.5-2 inches all over...