sketching...

I mailed my sketchbook back today for ‘The Sketchbook Project’. This book along with 28, 000 others will be on a cross country tour starting in February. Here are some of the sketches from my book…

finding the right setting...

Here's the pregnant torso I created. As soon as we exited the elevator we saw a sign which immediately confirmed that this piece was not meant for that floor. They still displayed it though but on the OB-Gyn floor (4th floor) ...

art for recovery

Here are photos of some of the tiles on the wall at the hospital. Each of the tiles was made by a woman dealing with a life-threatening illness. This work was breathtaking and powerful. Each person chose a plant, which they imprinted their piece with and then they wrote their reflection/ journal entry around it.

when God steps in

I dropped off my work at the UCSF Women's Health Center yesterday. It is truly a beautiful place. I have lots of stories to tell and photos but I haven't taken them off my camera yet. What I do want to say is this- my work is something I truly feel God has called me to do. Sometimes I feel like I am simply a vehicle for his purposes. I am not conscious of this all the time by any means but on days like yesterday I realize this and I am immediately humbled. It no longer becomes about me and what I made but about how it will be used and the message that will be delivered.

While I knew my work would be at a Women's Clinic, I did not know exactly where it would be. This place has seven floors and they chose 8 artists to fill those floors with work. All I knew is that I hoped my work would be able to bring comfort and healing to someone. When I found out where it would be placed I found myself feeling a little emotional.
I was sent to the seventh floor - the fertility wing.

This seemed so appropriate- sacred. You see, my series is called 'the journey'. It came from a place of doubt, of living in the unknown, of longing and hoping and this kind of gut wrenching struggle. And so to think that women will be sitting in that beautiful peaceful wing with it's sage colored couches and earth toned floors looking at my copper colored souls that may reflect some aspects of their struggle makes me feel thankful (and very humbled because I did not plan this - I simply did the work).

sneak peek...

title: the longing



title: the offering


title: the communion




title: the joy



title: the freedom

I'm still working on the last piece - anticipation. It's a pregnant woman with her hands resting on her belly. I have all but the hands done and then I need to paint it. Thank God the drop off date isn't until Tuesday. I thought it was tomorrow!

five senses friday

SEE
- the ‘factory’ that I live and sleep in. It’s filled with wire torsos, a Christmas tree that is beyond dried out, a stack of bubble envelopes, a cluttered desk, and an unpacked duffle bag from my trip
- me painting sculptures outside in the cold damp fog

HEAR
- the crazy neighbor above us hammering (again)
-Miss Congeniality playing on the TV

SMELL
- pine from the Christmas tree (yes, I can still smell it)
- dinner cooking
- a neighbor’s fireplace burning
- the neighbor’s son smoking cigarettes in the backyard next door

TASTE
- coffee without my favorite creamer
- chips and salsa
- altoids (my new addiction)

FEEL
- Like a cold is coming on. Derek has a cold so I may have caught his.

today

- I woke up to the smell of smoke as our neighbors roasted a whole pig in their backyard
- I found out the store I’d planned to go to is closed on Sundays
- I watched this tribute to Nina Simone (they are singing her song ‘Four Women’ (above)
- I sculpted a pregnant belly complete with a belly button. Then I put it under my shirt and walked around the house with it freaking out my mom and sisters.
- I attempted to paint some sculptures but it was too wet outside
- I had lasagna for dinner
- I drank 48 ounces of water
- I watched lots of TV and spent four hours sculpting

1.1.11 - a new beginning

I spent some time the past few days looking at 2010 and examining all that took place. It was full of so many extreme ups and downs. I just realized how many new things I tried and places I went that made me uncomfortable and yet I was courageous enough to walk through the feelings of nervousness and fear to see what was on the other end. A number of major relationships were tested. Strained, pushed, and wrestled with to the point of feeling like they would fall apart and yet as of now they have survived. I was forced to question almost everything I value and to evaluate why I consider it important. I’ve had to believe in myself even when I felt like I didn’t have anyone to rest on. No, let’s clarify – God has always been there and I am so thankful because I’ve never felt such loneliness – that aching loneliness that is hallow and awful and feels like despair… I have never experienced it this way until this past year.

On the flip side I worked my butt off and showed more artwork than a little. I met lots of new people and gained exposure in lots of new arenas. I found myself pushing beyond what I thought I was capable of and actually succeeding. And so while 2010 was difficult and had its fill of heartbreak, it was rewarding with regard to gaining perspective and purpose.

The past few years I have chosen a word for the year as a goal or intention. The word for 2010 was ‘GO’. I looked back and realized that last January I wrote the following –

“My intention is to step into the woman I am meant to be without reservation or apology. My word is – GO
Getting out of my own way
Not hesitating, drawing back
Taking a leap
Taking a risk
Not letting the unknown stop me
Letting go of fear and just living”

It feels good to look back and see how that came to be in 2010.
This year will be about continuing that journey and I think my phrase will be “breaking bounds”. I bought a calendar by the same name. It has photography by a woman named Lois Greenfield. (The photos above are hers.) I was inspired when I saw the images of dancers she’d captured. Because my artwork is about freezing movement I was immediately fascinated. When I read her bio she made a remark that her work was about “illustrating the passage of time, giving it a substance, materiality, and space.” She said, “In my photographs, time is stopped, a split second becomes an eternity, and an ephemeral moment is solid as sculpture.” My interest lies in capturing and holding onto an ephemeral moment – a moment that is transient, short-lived, passing, temporary through sculpting the folds and wrinkles that are exposed in our clothes through our everyday movements and gestures. So I digress… Anyway – my phrase for 2011 is breaking bounds.

sunday afternoon...

I’ve been home all weekend working on sculptures. It’s official – my work will be shown at the UCSF Women’s Hospital. I have to drop off the work on January 12 and so I am crazily busy trying to complete 4 pieces by then. It sounds ridiculous – almost impossible but I am determined to do it. It’s been raining all weekend so I haven’t minded being at home. I’m here in front of my little decorated tree making art and sipping really hot coffee.

I have waves of anxiety off and on but I am glad to say that my Christmas shopping is almost all done and the last batch of Christmas cards will go in the mail tomorrow. I ordered a gift for my brother on December 4th and yet it never arrived. When I contacted the company I was amused and annoyed by the operator. He was so indifferent and unconcerned that I was annoyed and yet I was amused when he stated the obvious.

ME: I made this order on December 4. You guys sent me a shipping confirmation on December 5 and charged my card on December 6th. Yet when I look at the UPS tracking it gives no other information other than it going to the UPS facility. Obviously there is a problem since it’s now the 18th and I haven’t received anything.
OPERATOR: Oh… December 4? That was weeks ago. You know what? I think your package is lost. Yep. Good luck getting that.
There’s more but this story sounds best when I tell it and you can hear me impersonate the guy with his accent and tone of voice and all…

dollhouse

Dolls are substitutes for humans, and are used in both childhood and adult play. A plastic doll, robot, sock monkey, paper doll, rag doll, nutcracker, marionette, soldier, voodoo effigy and blowup sex toy, they are all repositories of our fears, fantasies, and desires. We love them, we fear them; we cherish them, we tear them apart; we talk to them, they talk to us. We imbue them with our imaginary life and in return they transport us into their worlds. For the Holiday Season, Arc Gallery will be figuratively transformed into a giant dollhouse for one-of-a-kind dolls and dollhouses. Artists are invited to liberally interpret their concept of 'dolls' and 'dollhouses,' and bring to life a creature or world from your wildest imaginings.

JUROR'S STATEMENT: "I once heard someone say ' there is nothing funny about a clown after midnight.' I think the corollary in this case would be: ' there is nothing cute or sweet about a doll after an artist has their way with it.' Try as i might to add to this statement of what the doll show is about and why I chose the way I did I am stymied by my inability to add to what the artists have already." - Jack Fischer



Kevin Grady: I've been incorporating dolls into my art pieces for many years now. I have some pieces that are just one doll on a weathered piece of wood - the doll itself to me is art. Other pieces I build around a doll or several dolls, and I consider each piece to be the dolls home.




Liese Lietzke: My sculptural works invade the installation space as bulbous, many-limbed and multi-textured forms, from tiny to larger-than-life, made from second-hand clothing as well as fabricated materials. They seductively invite touch while simultaneously threatening to overwhelm, encouraging a sense of longing for union and a greiving of irrevocable divisions. This work plays in the space between adulthood and regression, magnifying the sweetened artifice and compulsive adornments that shield the ego from the disturbance of the body.




Tracy Sengillo: In our culture, the human body is often presented through heavily mediated guises. For many, it needs to be re-presented in idealizations, in purified forms and sometimes as dolls. This piece exists not as an aesthetic representation of a human body, but as an artifact, a product of the obsessions and desires that tangle one's psyche. In this sense it acts as a metaphorical doll turned inside out, revealing the veiled fears and fixations of the owner.





Audrey Heller: I'm fascinated by imagining a world in a different scale. I enjoy using props that are everyday, yet deeply resonant, to tickle memory and inspire imagination. This triptych is loosely intended as a mythological journey of life. This work, 'Measure' is about a period of reflection.





Yuriko Takata: Water is our most precious and finite commodity. Global water Paper Doll has 4 different regional outfits showing her daily allotment of water. North American girl uses 100 gallons per day. North Kenyan girl uses 4 gallons per day. East Indian girl uses 10 gallons per day. American golf girl uses 2 billion gallons per day for irrigation of America's golf courses.

cutting wire

world AIDS day

Today is World AIDS Day.
Currently, 33 million people worldwide are infected with AIDS. 1.1 million of them are here in the United States.

I remember when the AIDS epidemic begin. Here in San Francisco people were dropping like flies. I had an English teacher who died from AIDS. I can't remember his name. I was in seventh grade and he got sick half way through the semester and never came back. We later figured out (I don't remember how even though we all knew he was gay) that he had AIDS. It was when AIDS was still this scary mystery disease that had everyone freaked out because they didn't know how it was transmitted. I remember how everyone in his class knew something was really wrong but none of the adults would tell us what was going on.

I was 11 or 12 at the time and people were freaked out because no one knew how it was transmitted. Hospital workers were dying too. People thought you could get AIDS through breathing on or touching someone, which added to the feeling of fear, this feeling of tension you could sense in the air.

I never want to feel kind of fear again and yet AIDS has managed to destroy so many lives. For this reason I give to the UCSF AIDS Health project and I responded to Alicia Keys’ call to action through her foundation Keep a Child Alive.