whispers of inspiration

Some of the best ideas come to me first thing in the morning when I open my eyes. Today for example, I woke up, grabbed a notebook and pen next to the bed and wrote down a thought that had been brewing in my mind during the night. I'm applying for a juried show and with each piece submitted they require that you communicate in 500 characters or less how the work fits the theme of the show. For some artists this requirement keeps them from being included because they either can't explain their work within a context or won't. I read the show guidelines and  fell asleep last night reflecting upon the piece I'd chosen to submit. This morning the words were there - it was like someone was whispering in my ear, dictating with eloquence just what I should say. I love when this happens.

The answers come when I allow my mind to rest - like when I'm sleeping, in the shower or loading the laundry into the washer. I need to buy some bathtub crayons. I think bathtub crayons are the best things ever! Sounds nutty or childlike but so many ideas come when I'm in the shower. I have bought them several times, using them to write on the shower walls and capture all of the thoughts that might get lost after the water is turned off. In moments where inspiration comes like someone whispering in my ear, I know that I am merely an instrument and that this is all bigger than me.

Exit through the Giftshop

If you get a chance, watch this. It will definitely take you on an adventure and then leave you with lots to think about.

art star

I'm finishing another sculpture and as usual the work continues. Last night I stumbled upon a show called 'Art Star' onDemand on cable. I started watching it and it's given me so much to think about. The guy behind it all is a major art dealer - a world renowned figure in the art world - Jeffrey Deitch!

The wild part about watching the show wasn't seeing the participants as much as hearing what the art professionals had to say. I felt like if given a chance, Jeffrey Deitch is someone I would be compatible with and could collaborate with. I have learned that it's not just about getting a gallery or dealer to 'pick you' but rather finding a person or gallery that is a match and finding a setting in which it is beneficial for both parties. It helps to have some compatibility and be on the same page with regard to how you view the business of art. As I watched I realized just how much I have grown as an artist with regard to the business of art.  

In other random news... Lately I've had this feeling like I'll be going either to Los Angeles or New York (not to live but to do a project or a show) It's just a strange feeling, a thought I have been waking up with each morning for the past few weeks. I get this idea (which sometimes comes as a daydream and other times at night while I sleep) that I will be called and asked to travel to meet someone to collaborate on some project. We shall see if anything comes of these thoughts.

saturday

The only way to get out of the cycle of self-hate is to allow yourself to believe the world is waiting for who you are becoming. - Iyanla Vanzant

What are you gonna do today? It's a crazy weekend here in San Francisco so I have decided to stay close to home (due to my unwillingness to deal with crazy bus delays and detours...)

I have a sculpture to paint. It's such a cute dress that I cannot wait to reveal it! I finally broke down and bought a respirator to wear while painting. This last chest cold made me wake up and realize that I need to protect myself when painting. Breathing is a good thing.

I saw the quote at the top of the page on twitter this morning. The idea of the world waiting for who I am becoming excited me. I made me think of a remark I made to someone at my open studio show. I said - we all have unique talents that only we as individuals have been given. It's our duty to share it because if we don't who will?

Cheers to you this bright Saturday!

life moves fast

The days seem to fly by...

I am in the middle of creating four sculptures. Two are at the studio and two are in my bedroom. It feels like a lot for my brain to contain since I tend to do so much visualizing before I actually begin to sculpt. I usually work on one sculpture at a time and yet things have shifted this year and I am producing work almost non-stop. In some ways it seems crazy, the amount of time and energy I focus on sculpting but right now it's also what keeps me sane...

five senses

SEE

- a woman shoving 1/2 a donut into her mouth before getting on the train - her cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk
- little quaint restaurants and businesses in an area that was once filled with nothing but shipping and industrial businesses
- an environmental advocacy lawyer near the shipyard, an area known for high rates of cancer and toxic waste
- me wearing these little patterned hats that I made, which I have taken to wearing a few times a week so I can give my hair a rest
- a park near the water completely tucked away in a neighborhood where you would not expect such beauty
- a female bus driver with fire engine red hair
- a big puffed heart- a public work of art painted by someone I know
- a bride and groom walking along Market Street, a busy street in SF
- houses and cars drawn on the sidewalk in pink, white and purple chalk
- a group of guys in business suits downtown in the financial district -they are standing with one guy who is dressed in a full blown pirate suit

HEAR
- a little girl crying out from exhaustion-- minutes later she fell asleep

TASTE
- fruit smoothies
- pasta salad
- organic coffee

FEEL
- uncomfortable as I navigate through new experiences and meet new people
- like I'm growing
- a sense of purpose
- physically tired
- touch: a variety of fabrics - satin, leather, twill, silk, cotton...

SMELL

- the smell of waste coming from the city dump (which I pass on my way to the studio)

- a delicious smoky smell coming from a new BBQ restaurant

- coffee brewing

tea with a collector

Today I personally delivered a piece to a collector's home. I always enjoy seeing where the art will live. I think the experience was fun for us both as this woman enjoyed seeing my work in her home and I enjoyed seeing her space and her very eclectic and vibrant collection of works. I felt honored to be a part of it. After we hung the piece we sat and had tea and I shared the story behind her new sculpture as well as stories of my creative process. She shared stories behind many of the works she'd collected too. Simply put -  it was a very fulfilling experience. I almost feel like I can't verbalize it. I just know that I am doing what I have been called to do.

in the studio...

I still love walking in and closing the door. I am always surprised when I open the door and see how bright the space is. As the door closes it feels comfortable and quiet. I usually eat my lunch while looking out the window. Then I put on some music or watch a movie as I begin to sculpt. It may sound strange, but watching a movie keeps me within a certain time frame. I know that if I have sculpted while watching two movies then chances are I've worked three to four hours and need to give my hands a rest. I really enjoy being in the studio because I am never aware of the time when I am there. I easily close the door and get lost in the work. The only downfall (if I can name one) is the commute across town to get to the space. I sometimes feel like I spend so much time on the bus. I wonder at times why this has to be a part of my story--- and yet it is.

who does she think she is?

I finally saw the documentary "Who Does She Think She Is?". The documentary spoke about women artists and now they are undervalued. The sad part is that this point was underscored by the fact that documentary was not aired more than a few times and it came on at 4 am in the morning. Even then, they edited it to 60 minutes when the original film is 84 minutes so I will probably purchase it so I can see all of it in its entirety. I found myself wondering why I was up at 4 but it was worth it. In fact it seemed like this was something I was meant to see in that very moment. I found myself inspired, determined, and a bit angry as I watched. But more than anything I realized I was not alone. I found myself feeling a certain kinship to these women as I realized just what a sacrifice it is to pursue that which you love.

I think the hardest part of it all was seeing how out of the 5 women featured, all but one was divorced. It did not matter their age or race - in fact, there was a black woman, a white woman, a japanese woman and a mexican woman. The only woman who remained married was a lady with 4 kids who considered herself lucky if she got 45 minutes in a day to make art. (From the way she spoke - having 45 minutes in her studio was a rare thing.) As their stories unfolded, I heard remarks that I have heard this past year - things that have hurt me deeply. These women talked about being called selfish. They talked about their spouses accusing them of being neglectful. Some were asked to give up their art making. I cried as one woman talked about how her parenting skills were called into question by her husband when he decided to file for divorce because he felt she placed her art over everything else. Yet even worse was the lack of support from others - the reaction like she was indeed in the wrong to pursue her work, almost as if she was the ridiculous one.

 It was amazing and heartbreaking to see these women come into themselves. They used words like, 'having a purpose' and 'my calling' and 'doing what I was meant to do'. The sad part is that it all comes at such a big cost. So many women make art but I was left wondering how many manage to create with some longevity. At one point they filmed in a college and the professor (male) said that more than half of his painting classes are female yet the art world is 80% male dominated. In fact, they said only 4% of the work shown in major museums is by female artists! This angered me and at the same time it made me think, "I want to be in the 4 percent!' It also made me wonder how many hundreds of thousands of women are out there plugging away like me since so many female artists aren't acknowledged - simply forgotten and erased. I sat and watched in a way that made me think again and again - 'You need to see this. You need to hear this. This is the plain truth.' The odds are so steep and yet at the end of the film I felt more determined than ever. my favorite line (which inspired the title of the film as well) - A lot of people I'm sure would be like - 'Who does she think she is?!' but when you succeed at it you can just smile and say, 'Well, that's who I am.'

the struggle...

A very ugly cold took over and has been beating me up since Friday. I find myself going on very little sleep, easily provoked and at times feeling a bit moody. This incessant dry cough has worn me out - achy ribs, raw sore throat and the inability to lay down and rest. Meanwhile life feels like it is moving fast and full of demands. I have been making art and trying to finish all of the small details that complete each project. A few meetings had to be pushed back simply because no one wants to watch you cough until you choke while they are trying to talk about art. I've been a bit frustrated with myself - frustrated at the fact that I feel so tired, that it's taken me three days to do something I usually do in one day, the fact that I get to a point of exhaustion where I can't think. All of this makes me feel out of it and like I am not on top of my game. I have to keep reminding myself to rest and to heal and to know that God is in charge and His timing will prevail.

computer love

My computer is dead. The good news is that the hard drive is ok so if - well when I buy a new computer I can transfer my documents over. I'd been hoping for the best and I guess this is the best with regard to this situation. Meanwhile, I'm on my sister's very old computer... I cannot believe the amount of artwork I have produced this week. I created several commissions : a corset, a very large exclamation point, a bathing suit, a set of house numbers and three small wire letters. I also started making cloth bags for my pieces and met with a potential client. I caught a cold yesterday. I'd expected it would come after the lack of sleep and stress of the past few weeks. I find myself with a dry cough and a hockey puck of congestion in my chest. In general, I've been in my own thoughts quite a bit this week. Maybe not having my computer is a good thing at the moment - although I miss it so much. In the meantime, I'm just dropping in to say hello...

open studios!

I survived open studios! I had a great time! I realized that I really needed to share my work with others. It gets difficult to spend too much time working alone without someone to see and react to what's been created. It's not just about positive feedback and encouragement as much as asking the question, "Do you see what I see? Is my vision coming across?" I was excited by the number of people who 'got it' and I also loved the observations from others that shed light on things I never considered or did not see as I created the work. It was such a fulfilling time. Being at the shipyard allowed me a chance to expose myself to a different audience. I was also excited by the number of fellow artists that came to visit. The flow was steady and yet allowed me a chance to have some great conversations with visitors and I got a chance to personally greet almost everyone - something I enjoy and think is important. I don't think people realize how much of an impact their presence makes when they take the time to visit artists at events like these. One of my favorite moments of the weekend was watching a few guys checking out the work. They'd strolled in together and looked like they were having a good day. One guy stood in front of a sculpture for awhile. Suddenly he sighed and said, "Oh... I wish I were a girl." A bunch of us looked over at him and he suddenly looked around and said, "Oh - did I say that out loud?" as he and his friends began to laugh.