my yesterday

Yesterday a friend came to hang out for the day. It was great – really great. I have so greatly needed a friend to relax with face to face, someone who knows me and I can be myself with. She came over in the morning and she didn’t care that there were boxes of Christmas decorations cluttering the living room or that I was not totally ready to go. We sat and she started by sharing her hurts, her struggles – a bit of the messiness of her life with me. I found myself a little taken back – moved by her willingness to be vulnerable and honored that she’d share her life with me. And it wasn’t in a complaining ‘woe is me’ way but rather a way that allowed me a chance to peek behind the exterior of the person I saw sitting before me. It opened the door. I shared from my heart too and we both looked at each other wide eyed, with a sense of relief and freedom. And then we carried on with our day.

I was excited to show her the studio. We loaded up her car with sculptures and two chairs and headed over. We got to the space and I unwrapped all of the work so she could see it. We laughed and talked and looked at the beautiful view from the window. Then we wandered the halls of one of the other buildings, drove around the city and ended up stopping for lunch and more conversation. It was a fabulous day. The kind of day was simple but a lovely one.


Photo found via sfgirlbybay
… I think I need a time out chair!

my eyes are thirsty

I’ve developed this habit of looking at lots of visuals every single day. It’s not conscious necessarily or something I do as a task but in my blog reading, I am often attracted to blogs with great photos or links to videos that are inviting. I try not to think too much about what I am drawn to. Sometimes it comes out in my work at a later date and sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes it is directly related to my life or becomes a part of understanding something, absorbing a series of ideas and other times it’s just another beautiful image.

I did not realize this need for visual stimulation until yesterday as I sat here at my desk for hours with my eyes peeled to the computer screen. Yesterday I had a full-fledged war with my inner critic as my plans for the day changed up. My intention was to go to the studio yet I woke up feeling sluggish and congested. Strange guilt and fear came up as I prolonged my move into the studio. And yet somehow I found myself soaking up images for hours and talked to myself saying, “Maybe this is what you need. Relax and go with it.” Sometimes being idle isn’t laziness but rejuvenation.

I found a series of video interviews with people who express their creativity through fashion and their personal style. I knew Fatima Robinson was a choreographer but I didn’t know much about her until I saw this video. I found her to be fascinating! I could relate to her remarks about being creative. I watched the video several times taking in all of the visuals in the background – her hats, the art on her walls, and her floors in her house…
Then I looked at her website and found myself blown back by the projects she’d worked on and how she was the choreographer to so many videos that I loved and found myself swept up in. She was a muse of sorts for me. I have quite a few creative people whom I ‘study’ and I probably sound like a nut to family and friends as I talk about these people who are famous in whatever creative arena they are in. I sometimes get absorbed in finding out as much as I can about them simply because I hope to learn something, to be inspired and to possibly gain a greater understanding of this creative life.

Watch the video for yourself…

StyleLikeU Closet Interview With Fatima Robinson from StyleLikeU on Vimeo.

She also choreographed this video. It was one of her first big breaks.

the peace within

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” - Lao Tzu

I just saw this quote on someone's page and it stopped me in my tracks. I need to mull this over. This day is a rocky one. There is a BIG space between what I intended to do and what I have actually done. I am having a hard time getting back into the swing of things now that the holidays are over. I need to step away from the computer (at least for a few hours...)
Peace and confidence and a solid sense of self - isn't that something to strive for?? I want that.

random things

-I’ve been fighting a major cold for the past week. We are talking MAJOR cold- thick congestion, fatigue, runny nose, fever… I got up early this morning with intending to move some stuff to the studio and yet this overall feeling of blah has kept me home today taking more Mucinex and trying to find ways to simply breathe.

- Having a studio now will change my whole routine. No more staying up most of the night and sleeping late… Instead of staying up late sculpting, I will do most of it during the day at the studio. It’s open 24/7 but because it is out in the middle of nowhere, I’d rather only take the bus in the daylight…

- My hair looks a little wild today

- I got some great Christmas gifts this year. My younger brother and his wife gave me a digital picture frame that rotates images as a non-stop slideshow. I will use this during open studios to show work that I don’t have on display. My older brother and his wife gave me a DVD player and a book of fashion illustrations; more great items for the studio.

this Christmas

God of joy and exultation, you strengthen what is weak: you enrich the poor and give hope to those who live in fear. Look upon our needs this day. Make us grateful for the good news of salvation and keep us faithful in your service until the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, who lives for ever and ever. Amen

- taken from 'the revised common lectionary'

- sculpture is by kiki smith

the studio

Yesterday was the day. I went to the shipyard to sign the paperwork and get the keys to the studio. Gosh – I got so nervous and almost scared before I left the house. I wanted someone to come with me and yet I knew this was something I needed to do alone. I knew that while I craved the presence of another, it would not change the nervousness I felt. Plus I wanted to experience it all – the feeling of riding the buses and trains to get there and to see if I could gauge how long this bus ride would take. Off I went, dressed in layers because while the weather seemed decent enough, I knew it would be cold near the waterfront. I remembered a scarf and it was well needed.

I met with the site manager. This woman was really nice and we chatted a bit as she explained the rules of the studio. Most of the information was about how to store things – like my spray paints have to be stored in a metal cabinet or container (like a metal garbage can) due to fire safety rules. Overall, all of the ‘rules’ seemed reasonable. After an hour of paperwork the keys were placed in my hand and I walked to my studio.

It’s in a building that used to be the Navy commissary. It still has a big industrial kitchen on the first floor and now they rent the kitchen out and it is used by several foodtruck businesses to prepare food. The second floor houses the studios.

I walked in and simply stood there, blown away. It’s a really nice, clean studio with freshly painted walls and a nice grey floor. There are about 5 windows that look out facing the water and in the distance you can see the city skyline.

Amazing – simply amazing.

There’s not much to see right now but here are two photos of the place with the furniture that was left behind by the last resident (they encourage each resident to leave some furniture behind so that the next resident doesn’t have to start completely from scratch…)

this very moment...

I like this photo. It’s counter to how I feel right now yet encouraging in an odd way because I hope to feel this kind of glee at some point or another. It’s a gray day. For those of you living in places where everything is covered in snow – you will probably roll your eyes when you hear what I’m going to say but it’s really cold today. The air has a crisp bite to it and it’s 50 degrees. It’s a day when scarves are good to have and if you leave the house without one (like I did earlier) you start envying the people around you who look all cozy and warm in theirs.

I went out today even though I have a cold and my head is full of congestion, even though my bones hurt and my knees struggle to bend. Pain seems to accompany me every day and I hate it. It gets me down and makes me feel limited. The past few months have been painful as I deal with my body and as I deal with relationships… Life is complicated.
I’m melancholy today so if you are wondering where I am, I’m in my room watching old movies, packaging wire letters and propping a heating pad on my knee. I’m being quiet and allowing myself to feel how I feel. I’m present in this moment.

winter wunderkammer

There are so many cool events happening around the city that offer a chance to sell original work and this year I tried to take advantage of some of the opportunities that came my way.

The holiday art sale at a space called The Lab was one of those opportunities. They will have an event where you’ll walk in and see a series of boxes (all the same size) filled with a variety of treasures and fun objects for sale. A variety of artists, crafters, makers, writers, designers each created a set of small format multiples -- whether that be a series of hand-made objects, jewelry, zines, production run prints, or anything in-between. The work is all priced between $1 to $50. Tonight and tomorrow The Lab will be opening their gallery as a cabinet of curiosities, inviting viewers and buyers to experience the richness of the local arts community. There will be 5 different DJs, warm spiced wine and yummy holiday treats served from a gourmet food trunk out front. Makes for a cool holiday event!

I took photos when I dropped off the work so check out some of the stuff created to fit in these small boxes…


- strange hair buttons



- I filled a box with stars...



- here's a closer peek at one of the stars



- Some people made prints and paintings



- There were postcards for sale and someone made 'bike lane' masking tape



- an odd assortment of drawings in pencil



- notebooks and bookmarks



- postcards and salt & pepper shakers made from mini liquor bottles



- lots of photo cards

get guerilla about it!

What happens when a bunch of great artists come together to sell reasonably priced work??

Last night was the second annual Guerilla Show at Arc Gallery here in SF.
The idea was to fill a gallery full of great works of art priced at $300 or less that could be purchased directly off the wall. The term, Guerrilla, has come to refer to unconventional and unexpected techniques that small groups employ to shake things up, force you to take a second look, and change your preconceptions about the everyday world, often in a mobile and temporary manner.

The gallery opened its doors last night and will do so again tonight.

Here are some photos I took as I dropped off work for the event. Everyone who submitted work turned in two similar pieces so that when one sells, they can hang the other (and hopefully sell that too!)









On my way out of the gallery I stopped and looked at some of the postcards with work of other artists on display for whomever wanted to take a card. I was happily surprised to see my business cards there as well!

eye spy - random images of my day

I started taking photos again. These were taken on my way to pick up a piece of art from a show that ended the other day.


- garbage and nature together



- freedom of speech



- succulents in the garden near the entrance of the gallery



- lemons that I felt tempted to swipe off a tree outside the gallery (I didn't)

notes from the bus

I often forget that life becomes more interesting simply by going outside.

Notes from the bus (this past Sunday)

-The sun is out and everything seems more vivid
- A woman with 2 bags full of Christmas ornaments from the dollar store sits across from me on the bus
- A guy who looks kind of like Ben Harper is cleaning a flute on the bus
- Two guys with Irish accents who smell like alcohol get on eating donuts
- I pass a busy Christmas tree lot
- I find myself staring at a black man with a crazy hairstyle. He has a high top fade (an eraser head cut like Kid from Kid & Play) yet the bottom is yellow and it gradually gets darker as it grows up his head until the top of his head is full of orange hair
- The bus progressively gets more and more crowded
- We pass a park, which once seemed like an abandoned lot filled with homeless people with shopping carts and tents. Now it’s a thriving skateboard park because someone had a great idea and created big skating bowls and structures. Now kids from all over the city go there.
- A guy gets on the bus in a fur Elmer Fudd looking hat. It’s a warm day so he’s not wearing a jacket – just jeans, a t-shirt and this crazy hat
- A woman with a black eye gets on the bus looking ashamed and not making eye contact with anyone
- A couple gets on the bus with a baby in a pink fleece jacket. Behind them a guy gets on carrying a small dog that is wearing a pink fleece jacket.

five senses

SEE
- me the day before Thanksgiving stopping the doors of the metro train from closing as a woman with a utility basket full of groceries runs to get on. Her package of fresh thyme falls out of her bag without her realizing it. I grab it and hand it to her just before the doors close. Can you imagine Thanksgiving without thyme?
- a kid running on the sidewalk with a plastic sword pretending to fence. My first thought is how after school programs are being cut left and right.
- a church with a big iron fence around it and a no trespassing sign. Hmmm… Isn’t that counterproductive to the general idea of church and community?
- a big tall man with an eye patch ‘ahoy mate!’
- a group of three homeless people, each of them with a small dog sitting on a curb in front of the hospital sharing a cigarette
- Lefty’s tattoo parlor… bobble head dolls line the ledge of the storefront window and big burly men are their customers
- roofs of cars with Christmas trees on top although its an unusually warm day
- a woman with glitter all over her face and neck wearing all black and looking really depressed

HEAR
- someone on the block practicing drums in the middle of a weekday
- the sound of the most beautiful gospel music coming from a car as I cross the street in front of it. The driver looked like a big guy who could easily work as a bouncer with his big muscular arms. The music was heartbreakingly beautiful as a woman sang Silent Night.
- the sound of the T-train on the rails… If the passengers are quiet this sound can easily lull you into a daydreaming, zoning out kind of place

TASTE
- fish and chips
- double chocolate brownies
- pepsi
- roasted turkey
- trail mix made up of dried cranberries, pumpkin seeds, walnuts & raw almonds

SMELL
- someone smoking weed at the bus stop. I look over expecting to see a young person, instead I see a gray haired man with a cane. The normality of people smoking pot in SF for medicinal purposes really messes with my head.

FEEL
- the feeling of quiet grogginess that accompanies a foggy day
- drowsy from the sinus medicine I took earlier
- optimistic as the sun shines on my face. It’s a beautiful day.
- a feeling of fatigue in my arms and hands from working so much