sending beauty your way...

home on the range...

I think the best thing about San Francisco is that there truly is a neighborhood for everyone - no matter who you are or how you live, there is a place where you can settle in and have the life you desire.
- Stephanie Johnson

introverted, inspired and restless

I’m in a weird but predictable space at the moment as the dust settles on my last show. It’s a time of feeling restless and tired and a little out of sorts… (I know it’s normal so I’m just going with it although it’s uncomfortable.)

Meanwhile I have watched Iconoclasts with Lee Daniels and Lenny Kravitz about three times. The stories of their creative processes and the way their friendship shines through makes me want to watch it over and over. Plus – let’s be real – they are easy on the eyes! ICONOCLASTS is a series on the Sundance Channel of intimate, unpredictable portraits of creative visionaries whose passion for what they do has transformed our culture. This particular episode was shot in the Bahamas. I watched and wistfully wished I was there talking to the two of them as I soaked in what they had to say and drooled over their surroundings. {sigh}

I am ridiculously behind with my Etsy orders so I am trying to catch up.

I got all of my artwork and supplies put away finally. I also went out and bought more paint the yesterday. (I’d used up everything preparing for Open Studios.)

I am most comfortable being quiet and daydreaming…

I’m invited to art openings tomorrow and Friday night but don’t know if I’ll actually go. We shall see. I’m burned out on socializing at the moment.

portrait of a lady?

In case you missed my show, here's some of what you missed...





title: Little girl dress
size: 28 in. (H) x 25 in. (W) x 6 in. (D)
medium: wire

Whatever comes, cannot alter one thing. If I am a princess in rags and tatters, I can be a princess inside. It would be easy to be a princess if I were dresses in a cloth of gold, but it is a great deal more of a triumph to be one all the time when know one knows it.
A Little Princess – Frances Hodgson Burnett



title: the homemaker
size: 39 in. (H) x 30 in (W) x 10 in. (D)
medium: wire

Perfection is not about healthy striving or being our best, it's how we protect ourselves. Being our best selves is about cultivating the courage to be vulnerable, authentic, and imperfect. It’s about cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, “No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.
- Brene Brown


title: the ‘ordinary’ girl
size: 40 in. (H) x 33 in. (W) x 7 in. (D)
medium: wire

Beauty is an essence that dwells in every woman. It was given to her by God. It was given to you. So the choice a woman makes is not to conjure beauty, but to let her defenses down. To choose to set aside her normal means of survival and just let her heart show up. Beauty comes with it.
A woman in her glory, a woman of beauty, is a woman who is not striving to become beautiful or worthy or enough. She knows in her quiet center where God dwells that he finds her beautiful, has deemed her worthy, and in him, she is enough, In fact, the only thing getting in the way of our being fully captivating and enjoyed is our striving.
- Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge



title: the bombshell
medium: wire
size: 37 in. (H) x 22 in. (W) x 5 in. (D)
Being a bombshell is a state of mind.
A bombshell is a woman who has learned to use her vulnerability to her advantage, a woman who allows for her frailty and breakable humanity, but does not let it eclipse her aura of glamour.
She never pretends to be anyone other than herself.
She behaves as if life is a movie and she is the star.
- Laren Stover, Nicole Burdette



title: the working girl
size: in. (H) x in (W) x in. (D)
medium: wire

woman by nikki Giovanni

she wanted to be a blade
of grass amid the fields
but he wouldn't agree
to be the dandelion

she wanted to be a robin singing
through the leaves
but he refused to be
her tree

she spun herself into a web
and looking for a place to rest
turned to him
but he stood straight
declining to be her corner

she tried to be a book
but he wouldn't read

she turned herself into a bulb
but he wouldn't let her grow

she decided to become a woman
and though he still refused to be a man
she decided it was all right

Monday.

Just a quick note…

I’m in the thick of it as I try to get the last stuff taken care of for my show. I’m fighting a cold and trying to get adequate sleep although when I am awake I have to work so hard… I’m taking Emergen-C so hopefully I can ward it off. The sculptures are completed but now I need to get them painted. This is not an easy task but I am determined to get it done. In some ways I laugh at the amount of behind the scenes work that goes into a show. Today was spent painting sculptures, making more tiny treasures to sell at the show (stuff that I sell on etsy), making cloth bags, and preparing stuff for my post office run tomorrow… Whenever I sell a big sculpture I hand it over in a muslin bag. I am sewing some for each piece with the hope of sending them off to new homes this weekend…

Maybe I will get a chance to share more of the work and give you a glimpse of the show as I get ready. Things are crazy right now. I have only two days before I hang it.

trucking along...

My life is full of a certain ebb and flow…

I’ve cried a lot today. I always get embarrassed when I cry in front of people. I am more used to crying in front of family even though that is uncomfortable too. Somehow it feels like a sign of weakness or is perceived as not being able to handle things. It makes me feel ashamed on some level and yet as I get older I am embracing that it is simply a part of who I am. I know that sometimes I just need a release in order to face the hardships and difficulties. Today I have been on my own personal rollercoaster. I am putting together the reflective part of my show – the words that I pair with each piece. While I am doing that it has taken me down some roads that cause tears to well up. Add being hormonal to that plus a bit of fatigue and the floodgates open. I’m exhausted. Today I just went with it. I’m tender and teary – oh well. I wiped away tears while sculpting…

Today had pockets of loneliness. The people I call upon for company are not around and yet in some ways I feel like in the grand scheme of things I am where I should be. It’s uncomfortable and yet I have created some incredible work out of this year’s difficulties. My show is coming together. Each day I have new ideas and I know they would not have come together the way they have, had I not lived through this year’s experiences.

Today I mailed out 300 postcards invites to the show. I am praying for a good crowd, knowing that this particular building does not get the crowd that my last studio got. I’ve been trying to network on facebook and at the moment I have an art critic and representatives from two galleries who are coming to my show. This feels exciting although I haven’t allowed myself a chance to think much about it because I don’t want to get nervous. I still have lots of work to do and can’t get caught up worrying about the socializing at the event. Right now I just want to produce good work.

My show is full of clothing inspired by the early 60’s woman – the ‘traditional’ roles of women. I came up with this idea because I have seen so much of it on the fashion runways this year and also because I have been wrestling with thoughts about what it means to be a woman and a lady. Seems like while we are all so diverse in what we do as women in this day and age, we still refer to women like Jackie Kennedy and June Cleaver as icons or ideals when it comes to being lady-like or being a wife and mother. The press has had a field day comparing Michelle Obama’s fashion choices to references of Jackie Kennedy. And yet at the same time, while we hold certain images as the epitome of femininity, we often don’t think we measure up or look like these images, nor to we feel like we are enough. The question of what is feminine and what is captivating comes into play. So, as with all of my work, I am dealing with the external and the internal.

I have lots of exciting ideas about the look of the show – the walls, the food, the music. I’ll tell you more about it when I get further along. At this point I have 7 days left to get it together.

whistle while you work...

I’m working on my show. It’s consuming me at the moment.

Some days I get up and start moving and work non-stop. Then the next day I have a hard time moving at the same pace so I start out slower and it may take me longer to begin. Today was one of those days. I knew I needed to sleep beyond the alarm clock when I hear it go off and responded crankily. I’d figured I wanted to sleep later that 8:30 am when I climbed into bed at 3 am. So I slept until 10 and then started my day slowly. At the moment my room looks like it threw up. I’d love to sculpt longer but my hands are throbbing. I am working on sculpture number 4 out of 5.
I thought or planned to go to bed at a ‘reasonable’ hour and yet I am still up. I want to finish my mailing list so that I can label and mail off postcards tomorrow.

such a good day.

As usual it was a busy day. Funny how the more you need to do, the more you get done… I made my bed and cleared the room of some stuff – emptied trash, put two sculptures in the garage to clear up some space, started a load of laundry showered and dressed, and checked my email while waiting for the piece to dry. Then I loaded up my little cart with packages to mail and my piece and headed out.

I went to the post office and then headed downtown to the gallery. The show is a group show for Open Studios. Each artist gets a chance to display one of their works in a 20 x 20 inch space in this salon style show. (They line the walls with a twine grid to make sure people don’t exceed their 20 inches and once the work is all hung they remove the twine. It works well for neatly hanging a show with so many pieces. This show has over 500 works of art.) The beauty of the show is that if you go and see it while carrying a guide for the month long event, you can look and check off whose work you want to see more of and make decisions about what studios to visit. I managed to make my bathing suit for the wall and left a nice stack of cards so people can walk away with a way to connect with me even if they don’t make it to the studio show.

When I walked in I saw an artist friend I hadn’t seen in ten years. We chit chatted and she told me about a group show at a little gallery that one of her friends is putting together. She asked me if I was interested in being a part of it. Of course I said yes and we exchanged business cards and all. A few minutes later I saw another artist I know and we chatted a few minutes. I asked him about a show he just had and we talked about our work. Then he said he thought my work would be perfect for the gallery space he just showed in so again we exchanged contact info and he said he’d pass it along to the gallery owner. So cool. For this open studios show they always do a big ‘gala’ preview night and as party favors they give each guest a wine glass decorated by artists. Since it was so hot outside today, after I hung my piece I decided to chill for a minute and paint a wine glass or two. That was fun. Then I walked around and looked at the artwork that had been hung before finally leaving for the dreaded trek home.

A strange thing happened on the way home. I decided to stop at Trader Joes (it’s within the same block of the gallery) and when I came out, I paused for a minute in front of the store looking for my cell phone in my purse. A man passed me, coming out of the store with his groceries. He said, “God bless you.” I glanced up and said, “ God bless you too.”
I watched him walk over to a car and put his groceries in the back seat and suddenly he rushed back over. He said, “ Excuse me – what’s your name? “ I surprised myself by saying my actual name. Then he said he was a pastor from a church (he said the name of the church but I didn’t catch it because I was busy assessing whether or not he was harmful…) He said, ‘Can I pray for you? I know this may seem strange but the Lord has a word for you.” I said yes and he took my hand and began to pray. And while it may sound crazy, it was a blessing (I’m tearing up thinking about it.) What he said spoke directly to me and when he was done he said, “I don’t normally do this but I felt like God was telling me to pray with you just now.” Then he said, “Be blessed” got in his car and drove off.

It’s been a full day. Right now I have some more sculpting to do before I hit the sack and it all starts over again.

P.S. The first photo is the cover of the guide for the Open Studios event. It's a magazine like guide with thumbnail photos of samples of each artists work.

Art for AIDS 2010

I spent the day feeling nervous. Then this evening my mom and I attended the Art for AIDS Auction. I tried to chill out over good food and cocktails (I’m not a drinker so one glass of white wine did the trick). Members from the cast of the Broadway Hit ‘Dreamgirls’ performed. And finally the live auction began. Twenty-five of the 150 pieces of art were auctioned LIVE by a professional auctioneer and my piece was one of them. We watched as one piece after the next went before the crowd. I could feel the excitement in the air and found myself getting more and more excited if an auctioned item went on for five minutes or so. It was fun to watch the people bid and outbid one another. Then finally when only 4 pieces remained on the stage, my work was center stage. The bidding began at $500 dollars and I watched as it climbed and climbed in increments of $50. Then I gasped my chest and cheered a little when it hit $1000. My heart was pounding so fast and the adrenaline was pumping. And finally, the closing bid - $1200! Gosh – so exciting.


P.S. While I was watching work being auctioned off before my work came out, a guy caught my eye. I instantly knew who it was – a project runway contestant from this season. I tapped the guy on the shoulder and asked him if he was on Project Runway. It was him – Christopher Collins. We talked for a minute or two. It was pretty cool. This is the third Project Runway contestant I have met and talked to... I’m like, ok – what’s up with that?

a little note before bed...

I've been sculpting ALL DAY and putting all of the details of my show together. I've been a bit pensive today and have battled with an array of doubt. I looked at my newest work and wondered if it was too boring. I have been filled with ideas that I will probably not have enough time to pull off. At the same time I am trying to pull them off even though it requires that I work like a dog. Hilarious the way we put ourselves under crazy expectations! As usual, I am totally full of inspiration with only a few weeks before my show. The show is to be hung on October 7th. It's coming along and the show has a strong concept. The dresses are pretty dreamy. I kept saying they were 50's dress. They are actually more like early sixties, reflective of a time period with traditional values - Jackie O, Mad Men, Mrs. Cleaver...

surprising observations...

I was in discount fabrics today looking around and as I stood in line waiting for the clerk to cut some fabric for me suddenly the whole store filled with really loud salsa music. It was so loud it drowned out the light rock that was playing over the PA system. Everyone looked around confused and wondering what was happening. Then suddenly we heard someone singing. The girl in line in front of me kept saying ‘What’s happening?” And then I saw it – a parade of leatherdaddies coming down the street. Leading the pack was a flatbed truck with some people performing. In the middle of it a drag queen began singing “I Will Survive” in Spanish to this incredible music. They were gearing up for the Folsom Street Fair next weekend… (Remind me to stay away from that side of town next weekend because bus schedules and traffic will be insane!)

Today’s sights also included seeing a girl in a beautiful fifties style skirt. It was lavender with the tiniest shimmery sequins all over it making up a floral pattern. She stood outside a nail salon smoking a cigarette in this beautiful skirt. The smoking and accessories were a surprise contrast to the beauty of this skirt. Her top was a grey hoodie and she wore converse on her feet.

On the bus I listened to two guys in their 50s go off about some housemate of theirs wasting ketchup. The amusing part of the conversation wasn’t so much about just how angered and riled up they got over the ketchup as much as the fact that they used the f-word in so many ways – as a noun, a verb, and an adjective for a good ten minutes.

At the bus stop a gray haired black man stood looking really rugged in his camouflage pants, black jacket and sports cap. Yet when he turned his head I saw a big dangling rhinestone earring hanging from his ear.

Days like this make me remember why I love San Francisco so much.

a love supreme

“I never even thought about whether or not they understand what I'm doing . . . the emotional reaction is all that matters as long as there's some feeling of communication, it isn't necessary that it be understood.” – John Coltrane

Yesterday I heard this song. It was part of a film soundtrack and at first I didn’t pay much attention and yet I felt it stirring something within me. I couldn’t put my finger on what exactly I felt (and still can’t) but I was overwhelmed, moved.

I’m not a jazz girl. In fact jazz makes me feel intimidated, the way people sometimes feel about going to art exhibits – afraid they won’t ‘get it’ or come to the revelation that they ‘should’. I find myself listening to jazz with a conscious effort to let go of the pressure to ‘ understand’ and simply with the goal to go on a journey. So I sat there listening…
Towards the end of the arrangement this soft chanting begins and I realize that I am listening to ‘A Love Supreme’ one of the greatest jazz masterpieces of all time. It is a four-part suite about the spiritual journey.

“Composed of four parts, each has a thematic progression leading to an understanding of spirituality through meditation. From the beginning, "Acknowledgement" is the awakening of sorts that trails off to the famous chanting of the theme at the end, which yields to the second act, "Resolution," an amazingly beautiful piece about the fury of dedication to a new path of understanding. "Pursuance" is a search for that understanding, and "Psalm" is the enlightenment.” - *From the Verve/Impulse recording (2008)

I felt like I’d been given a gift. I also felt relieved because I ‘got it’. While I can’t put into words my feelings, the music spoke to me.

Quietly sit and listen for yourself. Who knows what your reaction will be.